Posted on
01 June 2010, under
Dad-To-Be; More Dad-To-Be articles...
Getting in the Zone!
‘Get into the zone!’ Heard the term by any chance? If you haven’t, then let me enlighten you. ‘Get into the zone!’ Is a much-used mantra that has its roots in sports psychology. It’s used to describe how sportsmen and women must clear their minds of everyday clutter and solely focus on the task ahead. The idea is that their body is ready for the event - if they’ve warmed up or prepared in advance - now they’ve got to set their mind on their sporting goal. And so their coach barks at them to ‘Get into the zone’.
Well, as a dad-to-be ‘Get into the zone!’ applies to you too. ‘The Zone’ in this case isn’t the big match but more the big push. And for many expectant dads getting into the zone takes a lot more than someone simply telling you to. Sure enough our pregnant wives or partners, our relatives, the ante-natal staff, the midwife, the GP and just about everyone you meet is pushing for you to play your part it. You’ll be deluged with advice about learning the birth plan and getting clued-up on the types of pain relief she’ll be taking. It’s all very useful but it’s often very difficult for an expectant dad to know what to do - or even want to it. Getting into this particular zone doesn’t come easy.
First off don’t feel ashamed if you’re not really turning cartwheels at the thought of becoming a dad for the first time. It’s a life-changing leap into the unknown and anxiety is a natural reaction and difficult to disguise emotion. However, as I’ve found through interviews with expectant fathers especially, often it’s simply little more than our own ignorance of what pregnancy and birth entails that’s leaving us feeling cold at the thought of becoming a father. But what I have found helps most expectant dads to ‘get into the zone’ and feel more comfortable with their role are a few practical, hands-on moves - that also have the added benefit of reassuring your partner that you’re there for her and your baby.
Take ‘The Test!’ This is a habit you and your partner should get into during the pregnancy. You read one of HER pregnancy magazines or book chapters. She then tests you on what you’ve read - say, 10 questions on breast feeding before the pair of you turn in for bed. Use your natural competitive instinct to better your score every time you play the game. In the process you’re getting familiar with the terminology and learning more about the pregnancy - dispelling some of your anxiety. You’re also showing her that you’re keen and willing to learn and support her - so long as there’s a bit of fun involved with it. Maybe arrange a ‘prize’ from her to you if you score 10 out of 10?
Give Your Baby A Nickname. Yes I know it’s not been born yet and that you have no idea as yet if it’s a boy or girl, but once that bump really starts showing and you’re into a safer time in the pregnancy, around 26 weeks onwards. Then start tuning in to the personality of your little baby growing inside her. When your partner says the baby is kicking or moving then stroke her stomach and feel it for yourself. Listen to her belly. Put your earphones from your MP3 player on the bump so your baby can hear your favourite music. Start reading to ‘the bump’ - even if it’s just the report on the sports pages. There’s plenty of research to show that even in the womb your baby can hear and even differentiate voices. Doing all this helps an expectant dad create a bond with their child long before the birth - making a lot easier to engage with your baby once it’s born and so dispel one of the causes of anxiety and depression among new fathers.
Ban The Baby! This one sounds harsh I know but bear with me. Your baby will change your life… forever. No matter how much you think you’ll be able to live life as you have before, you won’t. You’re going to have a heap of new responsibilities, worries and expenses. Of course on the whole, when your baby comes along you realise it’s worth it and you wouldn’t want it any other way. But for your own sanity and for the sake of the relationship that brought this baby along in the first place you have to have time when you ‘ban the baby’. Quite simply you and her go out to the cinema or for something to eat or just for a walk with one proviso - you have conversations that don’t revolve around buying baby gear, preparing the nursery or anything that involves the ‘B’ word. It’s not easy. It’s a fun challenge to try and do it - but it’s also a reminder that you’re a couple too.
Tune In! One more tip I picked up along the way which helped me deal with the unknown involved actually sitting through a birth. We don’t like to admit it but many of us are squeamish. And once again there’s the deep-seated fear that comes with not really knowing what’s going on, gnawing away at us. While books and magazines can give you some indication of what to expect - real action footage does so much more. So if you really want to know what to expect can I suggest you log on to YouTube, type in ‘birth’ and take yourself ‘into the zone’.
Rob Kemp is a father and author of The Expectant Dad’s Survival Guide
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